Open letter to the PDSA

Below is a letter (email) I wrote to the PDSA -People's Dispensary for Sick Animals- after I was refused treatment for my kitten Moriarty because I lived outside their catchment area:

* * *

I just thought I'd take the time to give you some feedback on my experience with your services.

I have a new kitten, his name is Moriarty and I love him to pieces. Naturally, I want him to be healthy but as I am unemployed I was worried about affording his vaccinations when someone suggested I register him with the PDSA and pay what I can.

It might be worth mentioning at this point that I have a local vet that I have used for my pet rats when they became poorly. Mildmay veterinary clinic in Winnall, Winchester.

My cousin informed me that I would need to find out which PDSA vets he would be in the catchment area for before I could make an appointment to have him seen. I checked on your website and was shocked to find that I wasn't in the catchment area for ANY PDSA clinics. I live in a village just south of Winchester, by the way.

There must have been a mistake, I thought, surely there must be PDSA clinics in Winchester. I typed in a Winchester post code and sure enough there were two of them, one of them being Mildmay veterinary clinic, my local vet that has treated all my pets since I moved to Winchester.

I talked to my vet about getting Moriarty registered with the PDSA since I was already using Mildmay as my local veterinary clinic and it would seem that I was within Mildmay's catchment area as they defined it but was not in the area as described by the PDSA so he would be ineligible. I then had to pay for Moriarty's vaccinations with what little money I had as I just couldn't bear the thought of Moriarty being at risk.

So to sum it up, I went to a veterinary clinic that offers PDSA services and whose catchment are I fall into but had to pay for their non-PDSA services because the PDSA is more discerning about their own catchment areas.

I appreciate that you're doing all you can but wouldn't it make more sense for your clinics to at least extend to the same boundaries the veterinary clinics themselves use?

Perhaps I should have researched this before getting the kitten? Maybe so, but both myself and my cousin, who uses your services, thought it unthinkable that a charitable organisation dedicated to helping animals would disqualify animals in certain post codes, such as mine. I would like to know how you think this is acceptable?

I'm writing this not just because I am frustrated, but also since this appears to leave large areas of the country (like my village) in which sick animals will go ignored by you. I'm sure you don't turn away emergency cases (at least I sorely hope not) but surely you don't want people to ignore sick animals until their case becomes an emergency?

I'm a charitable person, I volunteer at my local Oxfam twice a week and was more than prepared to give whatever I could to keep your organisation helping sick animals but this episode has left a bitter taste in my mouth and makes me wonder how many people out there weren't in a catchment area and left their kitten or puppy unvaccinated due to their struggle making ends meet. Not to be melodramatic but I expected better from you.

Sincerely,

Samuel Curd & Moriarty

Supe:// concept

Let me explain the universe to help clarify supe://
First off, the name is a pun on a number of things, it's a pun on http:// the programming language obviously, it's the term given to improvement of something e.g. To supe up one's car, and is also short for superficial, for reasons to become apparent.

The world is essentially our own but takes the idea of body modification one step further (read, too far). As technology progressed, medicine reached the point that allowed various body parts to be replaced for people who lost them in accidents e.g. Cybernetic arms, legs, eyes etc. however, since humans have simultaneously been working towards the ideas of body modification in the form of cosmetic surgery, and technology that allowed augmented reality (like the google specs that are in the design stages right now) the technologies ended up being incorporated and exploited for vain or technophile people to enhance their bodies.

These additions are now called "boosters" colloquially and, as you may expect, they vary greatly depending on the manufacturer, the individual's needs and the aesthetic required.

I thought of the idea by thinking forwards to what might next be the step for people who care more about their appearance and personal convenience than their own bodies. Not necessarily to their detriment, but to how it may appear to an outside appearance.

I would like to explore this in a bit more depth, but for now I have chosen to introduce people through this short that I will probably dub Supe:// the girl. I think it will serve as a snapshot of the world and the conflict found therein, distilled to it's base elements.

The story consists of an opening shot of a booster clinic, just one of many, with its eye catching billboards and advertisements. A young man exits the establishments with his new boosters and a group of girls (themselves all augmented in various extrovert fashions) instantly clamours around, remarking on the shiny new additions and cooing affectionally as the man snaps his fingers, causing a small jet of flame to erupt from his thumb from which he lights a cigarette (itself symbolic of the disregard of his own health and lungs the man has in exchange for spectacle). The boy smirks, his new ear booster glints impressively in the sunlight and the girls swoon.

Enter a new girl, who strolls on by, oblivious to the group. The man pauses to look at the girl, then his jaw slackens and his cigarette tumbles to the ground, sparking violently. The girl has no boosters whatsoever and the man is awestruck, how can such a plain girl grip him so effectively?

The man shoulders through the group and begins tailing the girl through the streets (mickey mousing, knocking over trashcans, peering around corners, hanging off of ledges and generally being obnoxious in his pursuit). The girl carries on happily unaware, her wide hips rocking, long hair waving.

During this point I'd like to spend a bit of effort highlighting some of the variety of boosters, just in passing, on various background characters. I'd relish some designs from the other artists working with me, since there will be as many designs as manufacturers of boosters. One idea I had was of a woman sat at a table outside a café watching a video on a holographic screen displayed before her eyes, which swivels as the woman notices the man and turns her head to follow his progression.

The man eventually manages to overtake the girl, and waits at a corner for her to approach him. Note at this point that his head is turned so that his ear booster is obscured. He smiles to the girl warmly as she approaches, who smiles back at him, he turns to her and she flinches noticeably at seeing his booster, which covers his left eye and ear (see pics). She walks past swiftly and he looks crestfallen, catching his reflection in a puddle/shop window/reflective surface, he looks thoughtful and raises his hand to his booster, running his fingers over its glossy surface. Fade to black.

Next we see another street some days later, the same girl walking nonchalantly by (wearing another outfit to mark the passage of time) when suddenly we see a pair of legs step into shot before her, blocking her path. Camera reveals the man, boosters removed, his face restored to its natural look, wearing a sheepish smile (new gained humility). The girl contemplates the man then smiles sweetly.

End

And that's the plot, as you can see not much happens but we see how the man changes his outlook on body modification drastically by realising with the help of an outside perspective, just what it is he has become. I had initially written a longer and more in depth scenario that included more exposition, but it all boiled down to man has new boosters, foreign girl is repelled, man has epiphany. The universe can be fleshed out later, provided people want to learn more, and I think they will do, since it may well pertain to what our own future holds. Anyways, enough talking for now, let me know what you think :D
Sam

Horsefeathers!

Okay so I'm trying to male my poem Horsefeathers into an animation in earnest now, I have various sketches and concept drawings, I have an accomplice named Akle (screenname) who is supporting me by drawing background art and another guy named nickleseye (screenname) providing sound effects and music.

Obviously I'm really excited about getting this going

I've also taken the time to create an animatic (moving storyboard) to act as a rough outline of the plot, which can be watched here;

There is no sound as of yet but will be added soon enough.

Next steps!
1. Add sound to animatic
2. Show the animatic to prospective animators
3. Support project as much as possible with additional sketches and direction
4.
5. Profit

I have other ideas for animations and will likely draft a few as shorter pieces in order to get more experience working with a team and different animation styles

check out my dropbox for more horsefeathers related media such as concept art, storyboard sketches etc.
https://www.dropbox.com/sh/7kmk6fw3s4kuoly/jg0Y82xrDu?m

Help wanted draft

Here's a little piece I wrote some year or so ago, it was the first piece of creative writing I attempted as an adult, before "Nome". It depicts Joel and Faye on an average day (well the start of one) it's unfinished obviously but acts as a stepping stone between help wanted and bedlam.

Anyway, enjoy. In many ways I prefer this over my attempts at writing bedlam, it was a bit more murky and depressing, which is great.


Joel rolled onto his stomach, coughing loudly without restraint. The previous night was a blur of wretched sights and disgusting odours but then again, he thought the same of work and his apartment so business as usual there. Lifting his head to peer out of the window across the room, he glimpsed the bomb, Bedlam’s largest structure and monument to the isolation of the town, through the haphazard slats of the blinds. Grasping wildly with the hand not pinned beneath his torso he found his cell phone, squinting painfully at its face, feeling annoyed that it showed so much life so early in the morning.

The new girl had started at the coffee shop a few days previous and had wasted no time in making him feel unwelcome there, not through hostility or distance, but by turning his shift into a half-decent experience which made him shiver. Working was the bane of his existence and the thought of looking forward to it turned him to the drink he was desperately trying to keep down. Tumbling from his single mattress he slid into the adjoining bathroom, knocking miscellaneous objects aside with his bloody feet. Aside from the familiar cracks and crunches a desperate squeak filled the air about his shuffling gait, signalling that the mice had come back. Joel didn’t mind the mice, they were company after all and anything they ate was something less to bundle into trash bags come the end of the week.

He wondered what day it was, but couldn’t bring himself to check his mobile. Its cheerful obedience reminded him too much of her so he fell into the shower and lit one of the many cigarettes he kept littered about the space he occupied. Leaning heavily against the cold tiles he closed his eyes, trying to remember what he had said to the new girl that sparked the drinking binge he was trying to desperately ignore. It was no use, he had become accustomed to shutting things out whenever things became too much, and besides, his head was making a spirited attempt at punishing him for his addictions. Slapping the walls with bandaged palms he found the faucet and turned it. It didn’t make much difference which he used as hot water was a luxury he didn’t have.

With a pathetic hiss his cigarette went limp. Allowing it to drop, he set about the arduous job of washing himself, noticing he hadn’t removed his clothes at any point. Pulling the drenched contents of his pockets out and placing them on the nearby cistern he proceeded to clumsily unbuttoning his shirt, hurling it at the pile of clothes lined up nervously in the corner of the bathroom. They smelled of mildew and Joel was sure something was living in them but evicting them seemed hypocritical to someone who didn’t belong in this god-forsaken town to begin with.
The walk to work was hell, not only did he feel like shit, he hated himself for walking faster when he thought of her waiting, panic-stricken at the door for him to let her in. She was always on time and insisted that they would get in trouble with the manager if they didn’t work hard. He remembered snorting at this remark as, knowing the manager, the place could burn down and attract more customers. Either way, she had set about “organizing” the place which meant he had nowhere to sleep as the stock room was now filled with boxes and chemicals instead of the trash bags of clothes he would prop himself up against.

He rounded the corner to the store, shielding his eyes from the sun now cresting over the bomb, a fake sunrise that was so brilliant as to overshadow its first attempt four hours previous. Painfully peering through outstretched fingers he saw her in front of the store, pacing and furiously mashing her phone. After a few steps the shrill sound of his own device filled the empty street, causing her to look up from her fervour and exclaim, half excited, half anxious that he was over half an hour late and that she wasn’t sure he was coming.

That sparked something in Joel’s mind but before he could chase it up she had closed on him and was grasping at his bandaged hands in a mothering way, muttering about the state he was in. His jaw half-opened he said nothing, staring blankly at her purple hair partially covering her face. Shaking himself mentally he was about to tell her to ignore it when they met eyes, causing his voice to shrivel and his stomach to drop. Swallowing, he brushed her aside and thrust both hands into his pockets, busying himself with finding the keys to the grille covering the service window of Bucks Coffee shop. She coyly pulled at his sleeve but he determinedly told her to get the machines ready, tossing her the keys and pulling a bent cigarette from a sadly squashed packet.

Her

This week we had to write a piece about someone we knew, using the contrast of poetic and realistic. I came up with the following

Her
By Samuel M. Curd


She was the late-night phonecalls
And the days spent wondering
She was the endless waiting
The self-doubt and the feeling of skin on skin
She was the swollen heart and the endless tears
The inspiration and the lurking shadow
She was the bedtime companion, the reassurance
And the grey clouds on the horizon

And now she's shacked up with some prick in Baisingstoke

Horsefeathers!

Horsefeathers.

By Samuel M. Curd



My name is Horsefeathers, sir, if you please

I hike in the mist, through snow-covered trees

With my white hair hanging in plaits by my knees

When I fulfil my mission, I can finally be free

And see so much more of the world



I'm a child inside, though twenty years old

I live in the wild, where it's wet and it's cold

There's wolves and there's dragons, or, so I was told

I trade furs and meats for handfuls of gold

Yes, I'm quite the peculiar girl



I was sent from my home, an outcast at ten

I was frightened and lost, and ever since then

I've had no interest in romance or pursuing men

That was, until, I came to my birthplace again

And I met a man stranger than me



I had wandered the wilds for my birthplace in vain

Since my Mother had left me on some distant plain

In the hopes of me never returning again

But by virtue of what memories I had retained

I located that house perched on the hill



I looked through the window, expecting to see

My mother sat, lazily drinking her tea

Or warming herself by the fire with glee

I had the axe in my hands, and was all but ready

But there was a man, looking lonely and ill



The man was so tall, and so utterly clean

With fantastic blue eyes that sparkled and gleamed

His fingers were long, his dark hair was preened

His skin was the whitest you'd ever have seen

His features were pointy and ruthlessly keen

I thought, perhaps it was all but a dream

As I fought inside to stay calm



But then, it seemed, he chanced me a look

I wanted to run, but found myself hooked

As I met his dark eyes, my bottom lip shook

But then, perhaps, I had mistook

Because my mother had taken his arm



I wanted to curse and break through the door,

To scream at my mother, throw her to the floor

Why was this man shackled to such a miserable whore?

Had he never been warned about witches before?

Or was he completely insane?



To fight back the rage, I turned and I ran

And I hid, and I started to brood on a plan

To exact my revenge, I would steal her new man

Break her heart, and have her understand

What it's like to live with such pain



But that night, I was sleeping, hardly dreaming

When all at once I heard a screaming,

My mother came hurtling into the clearing

Chased by the man, and the blade he was wielding

His white face was now shining with red



Then he laughed as he thrust the knife in her back

As she fell to the floor, he started to hack

And arranged all the pieces in a neat little stack

It was clear that at long last, the lover had cracked

And my mother was very much dead



I ran to the man and said "thank you, sincerely"

He was taken aback, but answered me "really,

It was a long time coming, but seeing you merely

Awakened my heart, which had grown wooden and dreary"

And with that, I knew I was in love



We threw Mother's remains to the great Northern river

And left the old house to crumble and wither

And had a white wedding with rings made of silver

When I think of my mother it still makes me shiver

But I know she's alone up above



My name is Horsefeathers, sir, if you please

My mission is done

Now together we run

And bask in the sun

Our lives have begun

As we dance in the mist, through snow-covered trees.

So it's a new year.

Technically, not for me, it won't be a new year for me until march fourteenth but hey, semantics.

And what's going to happen this year? Well, I'm going to be taking another creative writing course and I'd like to have another shot at learning Japanese and maybe taking guitar lessons. Either way, being an author, translator or songwriter isn't a proper way to earn a living but fuck it. I just don't care. I guess that makes me more of a punk than all those hardcore punks with a family, kids, an SUV and a full-time job in an office and I'm not even trying.

So, ways to turn my apathy into art... I'd very much like to do something creative. Animate something, design something, get something published. What I'd really like is to collaborate, to have people to work with on a project and have my input accepted. I could design characters, write a scenario, draw some concept art or critique a work or something, I just want something to focus on, you know? The reason I want to collaborate rather than solo it is that I ALWAYS procrastinate or lose faith in myself. I need someone else there to keep me motivated and to bounce ideas off of.

So essentially I need a valet... Hmm I guess they don't work for IOUs.

So my first creative writing class of the new year is coming up soon, and I suppose I can check around newgrounds to see if any animators are in need of a writer or something.

Ideally I'd have a creative girlfriend that can be there for me and keep me going.

And maybe pigs will fly

Oh, and soph said I should write songs after reading my poems. Maybe. Id like to but you cant really form a band by yourself.

Doom 3 retrospective and BFG edition

So recently I bought myself a copy of Doom 3 BFG edition. This well-deserved re-release of the classic Doom 3 not only contains the full game and it's expansion pack (resurrection of evil) but a never-before-seen campaign titled the "Lost Mission" as well as the original Doom and it's sequel Doom II so this is one title just jam-packed with content and extras, as well as new game modes and hidden secrets and easter eggs and all at a lower RRP than your average title (I picked mine up for £15, about the same price as a DVD and less than half the price of the new Halo game)

As I was enjoying the hell out of this game, I thought I'd best fish out an old retrospective to get you up to speed on the original Doom 3 and top it all off with some extra critique of the BFG edition content, read on;

Doom 3

Rarely does a horror game stand the test of time, have you played the original Resident Evil recently? The zombies’ muffled moans and dull textures make them more of a joke than a threat. As graphical fidelity and programming techniques improve, what was once nightmare-inducing becomes laughable and quaint. It is with grim satisfaction therefore that I recommend Doom 3 as it’s use of atmospheric lighting and themes of darkness and despair still makes it a wonderfully immersive pant-wettening experience.

You gotta have zombies...

Many ages ago, back when dragons walked the land and the black plague was still in it’s infancy a developer named id software released Doom. Crude by today’s standards, Doom was a marvel of game design that all but introduced gamers to the world of first person shooting. Combining fast paced run and gun gameplay, grotesque hellish beasts and enough firepower to make Duke Nukem blush, id software took the gaming world by storm, releasing Doom II shortly afterwards to critical acclaim.

Many years later id software decided the dust off the series for a modern sequel in proper 3D. The result was Doom 3, a chilling tale of a colony on Mars in the year 2145 as the inhabitants unearth ancient artifacts and unwittingly rip open a portal to Hell itself. Sent in to investigate the catastrophe, you play as an unnamed space marine (unofficially dubbed with the longstanding series moniker “Doom Marine”) who slowly begins to uncover the atrocities committed by the scientists on Mars and the nightmarish demons they unleashed.

The story goes that whilst researching certain artifacts, researchers were also working on advanced teleportation technology. Upon testing the teleporter, the scientists found there was an unexplained delay caused when transporting materials through the device. They resolved to send a video recorder and upon inspection of the footage found eyes, dozens of eyes staring at the recorder, they had discovered life in a dimension parallel to our own. Doing what they do best, the research team began sending human subjects through the teleporter in the hopes of capturing a specimen. Things did not go well, however as every man sent through was driven completely insane, one test resulted in the volunteer chewing off his own fingers.

There's a whole host of weapons at your disposal

One particularly dangerous scientist named Betruger took it upon himself to steal one of the facility’s mysterious martian artifacts, named the soul cube, and take it through the machine. The result was devastating as with the soul cube’s power, the demons of Hell could enter the facility on Mars, slaughtering and warping the minds of it’s inhabitants. Betruger acts as the game’s antagonist and appears to be working on behalf of the minions of Hell to spread their infernal influence and ultimately bring Hell to Earth.

So we step into the Doom marine’s boots and it’s pretty much business as usual for an FPS, controls are simple and responsive but the best part of Doom 3 is the graphics. Unique amongst games of the age, id software graced Doom 3 with a top-quality lighting engine that made shadows pitch black and light sources ominous, the result is a game world in which every shadow there could be an enemy lurking. Simply by the scarce use of lighting Doom 3 lends itself to internal fear, the fear of the unknown as you will be unable to relax so long as there is one dark corner you haven’t yet checked for monsters. One brilliant addition to the game is the fact your flashlight is large and unwieldy, meaning that you cannot have your flashlight in your hands at the same time as your weapon. This makes trying to illuminate your path or check a cranny for supplies a gamble as should you come across an enemy you’ll find yourself at a serious disadvantage (you can hit enemies with your flashlight but it won’t do much damage). The result is a terrifying panic as you scramble to back away, plunging the enemy into darkness as you ready your gun, their eyes glowing menacingly.

The flashlight, you can always whack 'em with it.

*** I will mention at this point that the flashlight is missing from the BFG edition in favour of a shoulder-mounted light that allows players to use a weapon simultaneously. Whether this is an improvement or not is a matter of personal taste, personally I miss the flashlight and would have liked the option to choose between the hand and shoulder versions. If you want the old style light, buy the old style edition like I did***

A great deal of time and effort has been put into the environments of the Mars facility. You are rewarded for exploring dark corners and air ducts with much needed ammunition and health pickups and scattered about every level you will come across PDAs (Personal Data Assistant) which hold emails and voice messages sent amongst the researchers. Not only do these titbits hold interesting information on the storyline and the events leading up to the catastrophe, they will occasionally hold pass codes to get you into various storage lockers scattered about the game. At first I found I would skim messages looking for such codes but before long I was hooked on reading them, they’re remarkably well written and offer genuine insight into the plot. id software really nailed getting the player to get involved in the plot by rewarding such tangents.

Enemies in Doom 3 are both charmingly retro and terrifying. In a call back to the old Doom days of yore, id software decided to keep the enemy roster to familiar faces such as flaming skulls, floating fire-breathing mouths, plasma-hurling imps etc. These monsters, whilst quaint really do seem to have come from the traditional ideas of Hell we all envision with pools of lava and plenty of flame so go a long way to strengthening the setting. One particularly scary level sees you enter into Hell to retrieve the soul cube and do battle amongst floating rocks and lava pits with terrifying demons lit only by the flames of the inferno.

I'm guessing this fella's not the friendly type

So there you have it, Doom 3 is a wonderful amalgamation of tension, action, exploration, stunning graphical and sound design all rolled into a brilliantly detailed game world. It's a true pleasure to play and a modern classic, well deserving of it's HD remake. Any fan of first person gaming or horror should play this game!

BFG edition extras

So you've finished Doom 3, think it's all over? Well, not only did you have the pleasure of playing in full HD, you have a whole host of other things to keep you entertained, you can play the classic Doom games (with the extra missions included for hardcore fans), try out the online modes for competitive or cooperative balls-to-the-wall action or dive into the Doom 3 expansion packs to satisfy your craving for more hellish carnage!

First up is the Resurrection of Evil campaign, here id software have done what all developers should do when creating additional content; include all of the original game's strengths and build upon them. There's more action, more weapons and more enemies meaning more ways to play! Now id software don't pussyfoot around when it comes to gameplay, they know you're here because you want more Doom 3 so instead of a gradual build up and tutorial phase you're thrown into the action from the get-go, with a new relic that can slow time by feeding on the souls of dead humans and the all-new "grabber" tool that can pick up and throw objects including the ability to hurl enemies' plasma balls back at them for that oh-so-sweet "in your face!" moment. Like all great games, you're encouraged to mix up your play style and learn to use the new mechanics to your advantage with a brief explanation and a lot of opportunities to practise so before long you'll be throwing exploding barrels about and slowing time to really punish your adversaries. The best way to learn is to do, afterall.

This doodad can slow the passage of time!

Story-wise, Resurrection of Evil features Bertruger back and more pissed off, with a posse of three deadly daemons called the "hunters". After the Doom marine defeated him the first time around, a replacement band of fuckwits discovered a new relic in an underground excavation site on mars, proving that not even the apocalypse can make mankind leave well enough alone.

Next up we have the never-before-seen "Lost Mission" expansion, a planned add-on that was panned before it saw a release, which is a shame as although it's short, it's a veritable cornucopia of action and a non-stop gauntlet that will challenge all Doom veterans.

The story goes that whilst Bertruger was working on the teleportation projects in Delta labs, the UAC was secretly working on a much larger-scale version in the hopes of being able to teleport large pieces of equipment (like tanks) over large distances. The problem is, when all hell broke loose (zing) this larger teleporter meant a much bigger rift for unholy beasties to cross through. You play as a lone survivor frantically struggling to close the portal before everything goes tits-up in a big way, real fast. It's non-stop action and has a few easter eggs for fans to find along the way. Not to be missed.

The super shotgun makes a return in the expansion packs

And finally, special mention goes to Doom and Doom II that were generously bundled in, they may look seriously dated but they're still damn fun to play if you want to waste an hour or so, it's great fun to try and find all of the easter eggs and hidden rooms (you'll be rewarded for doing so with a trophy or achievement) and using your controller instead of a keyboard circa 1993 is a definite advantage. Once you get into the swing of it, you'll love mowing down corridors of sprites to a delightfully retro metal soundtrack. Keep your eyes peeled for the Wolfenstein secret levels and the hidden ending to Doom II ;)

We've come a long way, baby.

So there you have it, Doom 3 BFG edition is an absolute treat for old and new fans and really greases the gears in anticipation for Doom 4, which is in production right now! Grab yourself a copy and whether you're and old-school Doom fan or a newbie looking to see what all the fuss is about, you won't be disappointed!

My profile

Okay, so this might be a bit of a shock to you but I'm on a dating site (what? you? Mister popularity?) so I thought I'd do something weird and copy down my dating profile here.

You see, as I'm a writer and all-round grumpy bastard I took the liberty of making my profile as creative as I could whilst being autobiographical, this means I probably won't be getting many messages from women unless they, too, like making jokes about cancer, have blue hair and hate children, and at the end of the day, they're the only ones I'm in the least bit interested in meeting.

The following is my unabridged dating profile, yes it's long but I've had a while to work on it. Again, yes, you'd think I would be looking for one day max before I was up to my eyeballs in women, I'm just trying to break it to you gently.

About Me

I'm Sam. Six foot two, thin and awesome. Still with me? Read on;

Firstly, I dont have a car, I have a motorbike. There wasn't an option for that possibility :(
It's blue, and despite what everyone assumes I don't have a passion for motorbikes, I just own one. You eat, right? Does that make you a food connoisseur? No? Okay, moving on.

Im a punk rock sort of guy. I love scary movies, animation, japanese rock, foreign films, punk rock music and animals! I'm a proud geek and utterly despise football, clubbing and TV, which admittedly makes me as popular with my own gender as I am with rhesus monkeys (which football fans remind me of come to think of it. A lot of obnoxious whooping and no real brain activity)

I have five pet rats that I adore (two girls, three boys) and would like to get a dog one day. I love to talk at length with good friends and good wine and at some point I want to go to Japan to absorb some culture, mainly since I've yet to find any in England.

I think manners and being respectful is important as I would expect the same from a stranger. I cant stand rude people or men who mistreat women and call them "love" or refer to women as "birds". Im not uptight however, I just prefer to be a nice caring person, which makes me a minority come to think about it,

I have seven piercings (eyebrow, lip, three in one ear, two in the other) six tattoos (both forearms, back of both legs, side&stomach and chest, all stars) and am planning on getting more, I also dye my hair different colours, blue, green, red you name it. Even went pink once, it didn't end well but I got the restraining order removed eventually.

I exercise regularly and try to stay fit and active. Im not quite an athelete but an active lifestyle makes me feel good about myself. I swim almost every day to stay fit and healthy and because I love water. I'm mad for water parks, which is a shame as this is England and the closest you'll get is getting rained on in a playground.

I've recently rediscovered my love of literature, shakespeare, isaac asimov, terry pratchett, bruce coville, tolkein, edgar allan poe etc. ive written a few short stories and am writing a novel. Everyone has a novel in them, it seems like I have quite a few stored up so its about time I got them down. Looking to be a published author in the near future!

I'd like to learn Japanese, I enrolled in a course which was cancelled due to people dropping out. That sucked.

I volunteer at my local Oxfam bookshop to raise money for starving people across the globe, I also lie to charity collectors on the high street so they'll leave me the f*ck alone.

Dislikes:

Children (they aren't all bad, just yours)
Fashion
Hoop earrings
Chart music
Text speak, or just bad grammar in general (I know when to use your and you're correctly for example)
Bigotry/racism/intolerance in all its forms. Grow up, its not big or clever to discriminate, it's just sad.
"Wacky" people. It's usually a cover for being dull as pig sh*t to talk to.
People who settle for less. If you aren't doing the job you want to be doing because it pays the bills, you need to rethink your perspective.
Facebook petitions. You want to make a difference? Volunteer.
Drum n bass, hip hop, dance music, pop, eighties music, all that sort of shit.
Metal (yeah, really)
Chavs
Overweight people (I work out, why can't they?)
Clubs
People who don't drink responsibly
Careless drivers. If you break the speed limit habitually you're a d*ck, end of discussion.
Women who cheat/play games/don't give a rats ass about my damn feelings. Yes, men have them too.
Dip dying (don't follow trends, set them)
Anyone who describes themselves as having a "bubbly" personality (it basically means you don't have one)
Religion/religious people. Seriously, stay the hell away from me.
Anyone who is "just an average girl". I'm not average and I don't want average, I want interesting, sorry.

What I'm looking for:

I'm looking for a cute girl with flair & style. If you have piercings and/or tattoos, have a crazy hair colour and generally aren't fashion-conscious or trendy I WANT TO MEET YOU! The first step to loving yourself is to dress how YOU want to dress, not just to be like everyone else.

Bad girls should definitely drop me a line, nice is great but boring at the end of the day.

I love intellectuals and having long conversations about important matters. Good sense of humour is a must! Im a connoisseur of many types of comedy and can always find the funny side of anything. Even cancer, it might be deadly but the pounds just fall off, great for dieting.

I draw and write so someone creative would be nice, or at least someone who can be supportive of my skills and kick my ass for procrastinating. Im always up for friendship too, I recently moved to Winchester from Canterbury so could always do with a few more friends. If you like the sound of movies and games with takeaway food then we should totally meet up.

As for the date itself, pizza, a coffee, or just sitting and watching the world go by. Life is for living so take it easy.

Some of my first dates:

Coffee and muffins followed by deep conversation and endless jokes.
An anime convention in London.
Playing videogames with a bottle of wine
Taking photographs by a scenic river for poetic inspiration (yes, really)
Massages, oil, candles, the works.
Pizza!
Hacking my date into small pieces and feeding them to orphans

(Okay, I was lying about the pizza)