Well this has been one tumultuous time in my life.
I've moved house and thrown my life up in the air, started new friendships, pissed off old friends and now i've ended up lonely but with a really great job.
Well since coming down here i've spent a lot of time with old friends and mostly i'm enjoying it, some of the guys down here havent changed and others i barely recognize but that's life. Whilst trying to get back into an old friend's good books i found myself working at starbuck's coffee (aced the interview-glad about that) but with all the tremendously strict rules and regulations, time limits and some rather terrifying work schedules i found the job not to be the simple coffee-serving it seemed but rather a stressful endeavour ran on the same guidelines you'd expect from a five star restaurant. I ended up leavin as i was unhappy with the workload and i honestly cannot see myse3lf working in a place i detest just because it pays the bills. After all you only live once and if it's not up to me to fill that life with good things then who will?
I posted the news about my decision to leave and found to my dismay that i had tremendously insulted the very friend i was attempting to please and am filled with a great deal of remorse as it was not my intention to insult or belittle the beliefs of others, i simply wished to get across to people my belief that one should go towards happiness, even if it means you won't be rich or respected by your peers.
Anyways, further down the line i was lucky enough to discover that my local branch of GAME was hiring, a store that i had frequented as long as i can remember (honestly, i recall buying dreamcast games and pc games in huge cardboard boxes). After applying (and laying it on thick that i was the man for the job), i recieved an invitation for an interview. Naturally i was nervous but friends reassured me that i was perfect for the position and when the day came i found i could answer the interviewer's questions with the greatest of ease and was delighted to find that i had impressed them greatly. So now I'm working at GAME in winchester, i have great co-workers, the hours are fantastic and i get to use the knowledge that i have garnered over a life of gaming ( i don't care what the cynics said, my product knowledge is important and helps sales).
So why then do i still feel so down? perhaps i have to admit that the depression i felt for so long is going to be permanent, that it's a part of me and accepting it is the best choice. it may explain why i steer my life towards happines rather than acceptance or wealth. It's the one thing that keeps me sane, if i don't fill my every waking hour with joy the depression washes over me like a dark rain cloud and i sink into myself and can't go on. Well i hope everyone can be patient with me and just try to understand that i act the way i do so that i don't once again slip into suicidal thoughts, i don't want to be a burden on anyone again and if that means i never grow up and get a "proper" job then so be it. I'd rather be alive and a nerd than a rich martyr anyways.
dil/sam
