Horsefeathers!

Horsefeathers.

By Samuel M. Curd



My name is Horsefeathers, sir, if you please

I hike in the mist, through snow-covered trees

With my white hair hanging in plaits by my knees

When I fulfil my mission, I can finally be free

And see so much more of the world



I'm a child inside, though twenty years old

I live in the wild, where it's wet and it's cold

There's wolves and there's dragons, or, so I was told

I trade furs and meats for handfuls of gold

Yes, I'm quite the peculiar girl



I was sent from my home, an outcast at ten

I was frightened and lost, and ever since then

I've had no interest in romance or pursuing men

That was, until, I came to my birthplace again

And I met a man stranger than me



I had wandered the wilds for my birthplace in vain

Since my Mother had left me on some distant plain

In the hopes of me never returning again

But by virtue of what memories I had retained

I located that house perched on the hill



I looked through the window, expecting to see

My mother sat, lazily drinking her tea

Or warming herself by the fire with glee

I had the axe in my hands, and was all but ready

But there was a man, looking lonely and ill



The man was so tall, and so utterly clean

With fantastic blue eyes that sparkled and gleamed

His fingers were long, his dark hair was preened

His skin was the whitest you'd ever have seen

His features were pointy and ruthlessly keen

I thought, perhaps it was all but a dream

As I fought inside to stay calm



But then, it seemed, he chanced me a look

I wanted to run, but found myself hooked

As I met his dark eyes, my bottom lip shook

But then, perhaps, I had mistook

Because my mother had taken his arm



I wanted to curse and break through the door,

To scream at my mother, throw her to the floor

Why was this man shackled to such a miserable whore?

Had he never been warned about witches before?

Or was he completely insane?



To fight back the rage, I turned and I ran

And I hid, and I started to brood on a plan

To exact my revenge, I would steal her new man

Break her heart, and have her understand

What it's like to live with such pain



But that night, I was sleeping, hardly dreaming

When all at once I heard a screaming,

My mother came hurtling into the clearing

Chased by the man, and the blade he was wielding

His white face was now shining with red



Then he laughed as he thrust the knife in her back

As she fell to the floor, he started to hack

And arranged all the pieces in a neat little stack

It was clear that at long last, the lover had cracked

And my mother was very much dead



I ran to the man and said "thank you, sincerely"

He was taken aback, but answered me "really,

It was a long time coming, but seeing you merely

Awakened my heart, which had grown wooden and dreary"

And with that, I knew I was in love



We threw Mother's remains to the great Northern river

And left the old house to crumble and wither

And had a white wedding with rings made of silver

When I think of my mother it still makes me shiver

But I know she's alone up above



My name is Horsefeathers, sir, if you please

My mission is done

Now together we run

And bask in the sun

Our lives have begun

As we dance in the mist, through snow-covered trees.