You see, as I'm a writer and all-round grumpy bastard I took the liberty of making my profile as creative as I could whilst being autobiographical, this means I probably won't be getting many messages from women unless they, too, like making jokes about cancer, have blue hair and hate children, and at the end of the day, they're the only ones I'm in the least bit interested in meeting.
The following is my unabridged dating profile, yes it's long but I've had a while to work on it. Again, yes, you'd think I would be looking for one day max before I was up to my eyeballs in women, I'm just trying to break it to you gently.
About Me
I'm Sam. Six foot two, thin and awesome. Still with me? Read on;
Firstly, I dont have a car, I have a motorbike. There wasn't an option for that possibility :(
It's blue, and despite what everyone assumes I don't have a passion for motorbikes, I just own one. You eat, right? Does that make you a food connoisseur? No? Okay, moving on.
Im a punk rock sort of guy. I love scary movies, animation, japanese rock, foreign films, punk rock music and animals! I'm a proud geek and utterly despise football, clubbing and TV, which admittedly makes me as popular with my own gender as I am with rhesus monkeys (which football fans remind me of come to think of it. A lot of obnoxious whooping and no real brain activity)
I have five pet rats that I adore (two girls, three boys) and would like to get a dog one day. I love to talk at length with good friends and good wine and at some point I want to go to Japan to absorb some culture, mainly since I've yet to find any in England.
I think manners and being respectful is important as I would expect the same from a stranger. I cant stand rude people or men who mistreat women and call them "love" or refer to women as "birds". Im not uptight however, I just prefer to be a nice caring person, which makes me a minority come to think about it,
I have seven piercings (eyebrow, lip, three in one ear, two in the other) six tattoos (both forearms, back of both legs, side&stomach and chest, all stars) and am planning on getting more, I also dye my hair different colours, blue, green, red you name it. Even went pink once, it didn't end well but I got the restraining order removed eventually.
I exercise regularly and try to stay fit and active. Im not quite an athelete but an active lifestyle makes me feel good about myself. I swim almost every day to stay fit and healthy and because I love water. I'm mad for water parks, which is a shame as this is England and the closest you'll get is getting rained on in a playground.
I've recently rediscovered my love of literature, shakespeare, isaac asimov, terry pratchett, bruce coville, tolkein, edgar allan poe etc. ive written a few short stories and am writing a novel. Everyone has a novel in them, it seems like I have quite a few stored up so its about time I got them down. Looking to be a published author in the near future!
I'd like to learn Japanese, I enrolled in a course which was cancelled due to people dropping out. That sucked.
I volunteer at my local Oxfam bookshop to raise money for starving people across the globe, I also lie to charity collectors on the high street so they'll leave me the f*ck alone.
Dislikes:
Children (they aren't all bad, just yours)
Fashion
Hoop earrings
Chart music
Text speak, or just bad grammar in general (I know when to use your and you're correctly for example)
Bigotry/racism/intolerance in all its forms. Grow up, its not big or clever to discriminate, it's just sad.
"Wacky" people. It's usually a cover for being dull as pig sh*t to talk to.
People who settle for less. If you aren't doing the job you want to be doing because it pays the bills, you need to rethink your perspective.
Facebook petitions. You want to make a difference? Volunteer.
Drum n bass, hip hop, dance music, pop, eighties music, all that sort of shit.
Metal (yeah, really)
Chavs
Overweight people (I work out, why can't they?)
Clubs
People who don't drink responsibly
Careless drivers. If you break the speed limit habitually you're a d*ck, end of discussion.
Women who cheat/play games/don't give a rats ass about my damn feelings. Yes, men have them too.
Dip dying (don't follow trends, set them)
Anyone who describes themselves as having a "bubbly" personality (it basically means you don't have one)
Religion/religious people. Seriously, stay the hell away from me.
Anyone who is "just an average girl". I'm not average and I don't want average, I want interesting, sorry.
What I'm looking for:
I'm looking for a cute girl with flair & style. If you have piercings and/or tattoos, have a crazy hair colour and generally aren't fashion-conscious or trendy I WANT TO MEET YOU! The first step to loving yourself is to dress how YOU want to dress, not just to be like everyone else.
Bad girls should definitely drop me a line, nice is great but boring at the end of the day.
I love intellectuals and having long conversations about important matters. Good sense of humour is a must! Im a connoisseur of many types of comedy and can always find the funny side of anything. Even cancer, it might be deadly but the pounds just fall off, great for dieting.
I draw and write so someone creative would be nice, or at least someone who can be supportive of my skills and kick my ass for procrastinating. Im always up for friendship too, I recently moved to Winchester from Canterbury so could always do with a few more friends. If you like the sound of movies and games with takeaway food then we should totally meet up.
As for the date itself, pizza, a coffee, or just sitting and watching the world go by. Life is for living so take it easy.
Some of my first dates:
Coffee and muffins followed by deep conversation and endless jokes.
An anime convention in London.
Playing videogames with a bottle of wine
Taking photographs by a scenic river for poetic inspiration (yes, really)
Massages, oil, candles, the works.
Pizza!
Hacking my date into small pieces and feeding them to orphans
(Okay, I was lying about the pizza)
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